--New York City will officially ban two-liter bottles of soda with pizza deliveries next month.  And something tells me, once THAT happens, no one in New York will ever be overweight or unhealthy again!

 

(CAREFUL)--New York City taxis will soon carry condom machines.  Weird.  I always thought part of the charm of sex in the back of a taxi was the risk of disease.

 

--Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop has died at the age of 96.  What a phony.  You should never trust a "medical expert" who can't even make it to 97!

 

--Colorado will start promoting marijuana tourism.  They already have a great slogan:  "What Happens in Colorado, Stays in . . . Uh, Wherever We Are."

 

--A homeless man in New York is suing his parents for $200,000 because they didn't love him enough.  In related news, I'm suing every woman I've ever dated.

 

--Tomorrow is Pope Benedict's last day on the job.  Then he's on his way to the old Pope's home.

 

--A judge in Maine will decide whether jurors in a prostitution trial will get to review 577 "extremely sexual" Skype screenshots.  The case is the first time in history where people are actually trying to get on the jury.