Patrons at a Florida Wal-Mart would have much rather gotten lumps of coal than the holiday gifts bestowed by a fellow shopper – who drove around the parking lot throwing her own feces at their cars.
Deborah Brinkman came to the store armed – with a pile of paper towels filled with human excrement. She proceeded to tool around the perimeter of the lot tossing them at other vehicles until cops arrived. At that point, she gunned the engine and tried to run over one deputy before being boxed in at a nearby restaurant.
Brinkman, who appeared visibly intoxicated, was busted one week earlier after she fled from a traffic stop, smiling and waving at officers. (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)
A Dead Ring-Er
A Nebraska man was arrested after trying to give his late ex the finger – by impersonating a funeral director to retrieve a ring from her finger at a cremation service holding room.
Terry Kurtzhals, who was employed as a mortician in the '90s before his license was revoked on grounds of improper behavior, tried to make off with the jewelry, which was valued at about $500. An employee at the facility was suspicious because Kurtzhals seemed "agitated" when he was told that the ring could only be released to next of kin.
The employee contacted cops, who looked at Kurtzhals' record and found he'd just served a stint for possession of burglary tools. While he was released fair and square after serving that sentence, he was charged with another crime – voting in November, which convicted felons are not allowed to do in Nebraska. (Daily Nebraskan)
Orville Redenbacher's Granddaughter Gets Popped
A woman who claims to be the granddaughter of popcorn king Orville Redenbacher was arrested last weekend for drunk driving. Jordan Jones initially fought with the arresting officers. She knocked herself out cold by banging her head against the squad car’s protective divider. After she was transported to the hospital, she battled the nurses and doctors. It took eight people to restrain her.
Yesterday, Jones told a judge in Indiana that she’s living off a trust fund established by her famous grandpa. She’s lucky to be living at all. The police report indicates that at 4 in the morning, Jones drove her 2003 Pontiac Sunfire onto train tracks and became stuck. She was so out of it, that she locked herself out of the car. Good thing, too, because shortly afterward a train smashed into it.